Just a little: Tawakul

Salam everyone,

I do apologize for not being as active lately. Cliche but there is a lot going on my life at the moment, some of the stresses aren’t even mine to deal with. But I naturally just take them on-can’t help it.
ANYWHO
This topic has been talked about so I’m just going offer some advice and vent lol.
Personally, Tawakul is something I struggle with. And I was prideful not to admit it until this past year, where I was face with situations that really only needed-Tawakul.

Countless times we tell ourselves that we are sure, we are right, we know what we’re doing and where we’re going. To be honest, I let go of being sure because I couldn’t do it. I’m not a sure person, I always think things through, but at the other extreme when I know I’m right and my cause is greater than myself I come at with full force.
I guess it was just time to find the balance between the two.

A lot of Tawakul or reliance on Allah (swt) has to do with our personalities, abilities and character. Some of us are easy going, others the initiators, others followers, others leaders, etc. But a lot of it is actually feeling like you can give it up to God and let Him take care of the rest. And it’s not easy. It’s not easy to think that we’re somewhat powerless. We want control, we want things to go our way. And most times by the Grace of Allah (swt) we get what we want and need.

Some ways that I’m battling with this and to get myself to be more reliant:
1) always remember your purpose, Allah (swt) is first, family, friends, school and whatever else depending on your own circumstance after. Thinking about why you’re really here puts things in perspective and gives you confidence to get better at worshiping the One that gave you life in the first place.

2) Go your own path. Now, before anyone gets all judgy about what I’m saying, just hear me out.
I used to do what everyone else thought was best, even though I was always outspoken, in the end I followed the majority. I also always played the neutral man. I settled issues between people by my own hands, it wasn’t appreciated (which it didn’t bother me) until the problems got worse, and then I felt like I was useless and the ‘told you’ sos came up. But in the end, everyone went on their path whether I helped them or not. I was driven to do the same. And subhanAllah, time unraveled things for me anyway. I met people who have similar goals and dreams, and suddenly a busy life in doing what was ME was sounding a lot better than getting tied with people who didn’t care or weren’t loyal friends. Main lesson: do what you can and let it go. Remember your priorities and purposes listed above-trust me you won’t have time for anything extra. You’ll find that your path in life needs you focused and passionate. And that can be anything, some will even want to join you.

3) find practical ways of letting out your dissatisfaction, dissapointed or impatience. You can always turn it around to Allah (swt). Even if it’s just literally talking things out with yourself, or venting in a Duaa. Confess your frustrations with Him, tell Him your true feelings. The point is you’re going to Him ;even though your Duaa may seem crappy, He always hears and always answers. *don’t ever get too prideful or too sad or shy to talk to Allah (swt)

4) Be someone who makes things easier for others. Allah (swt) will do the same for you without any effort on your part in comparison to what we should do, for He always gives us more than we deserve.

That’s all I got for now. I’m still going through this personally but all of them have worked in ways I didn’t think could.
Allah (swt) is really good at breaking our pride and making us feel like we need Him. But that’s one of the best feelings in the world. Needing a being that’s always there and will always listen. And trust me, He always comes through.

-Sarah

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This Was Free

This poem I started awhile back, but as the conflict got progressively worse, I added on.

She fights two wars on the daily,

She left her country, discontent

Show us your braids Sarah America said , so we too can lament the fact that we tore your land in two and tangled your hopes and dreams leaving them frayed seams your citi tries to sow

A starry sky shown bright through, not two, but four of her diseased eyes

At least that’s what the neighbor said, her eyes were diseased she needed glasses because she was the one who couldn’t see but
She called everyday

Yamma you said this would stop
Yamma you said I have something to prove
Yamma , all she did was move

Baba said that teta Packed her dust pressed bags
Last few pictures leaning on a broken door, wood not glass,

See moving has become genetic for my people, the people of Jenin as well as other people of Falasteen

Now doors of metal plates, every house has to defend from a solider gone mad
He’s gone mad because he is sickened and deafened by the cries of privilege

But she thought honor was greater than privilege so she kept washing dishes

Only to cut her finger, on tiny Jewish cups, scarred but it didn’t sting because her nerves were shot down

Broken. No longer did she feel,
in fact she was willing to steal for the family next door, towel windows,

Plastic bag flags.

She used to pledge to flag she thought was freedom, placed her hand over her shaking heart

But this flag was drenched in blood red manifest destiny.

She stopped pledging and began to read letter and letter until she found that complacency was a silent killer.

In sound proof rooms her family lives where the outside watches in awe while children bang on tinted windows, screaming and rubbing noses on glass, but ignoring them was taught in class, because the curls on their head didn’t matter like the curls on the side of yours

One day she was very alone, but a sweet boy called from downstairs while suds where still in her hair

Sweet baby boy lanky with green blue eyes begging her to get dressed and come outside

She climbed the almond tree, 19 years old she felt free, American definition she forgot,

She said this is free.
This was free.

Show us your braids Sarah
So we too can lament that our July freedom and your Gazan redemption is a misconception,

Stop speaking in your tongue and stay silent as we pay
Giving a country power to turn night into day.
We destroyed people’s before and we will take another narrative once more

Sarah stay silent with us, Sarah don’t cry because freedom ain’t free.

But she saw her first shooting star,
On concrete roof not feeling so far.

This was free, this was free.

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