Hanging on, and staying with Allah (swt) (mini post)

Salam everyone,

So I had some great and simple conversations this week. I had someone really, I guess, help me sort out my thoughts on what it meant to be “religious” or connected with Allah (swt). I thought of the previous conversation I had with another friend about Tawakul and hidaya (gift, guidance) from God. I always try to make some sort of connections, and they just happen. I think a lot, I often think it’s going to be my downfall. But Alhamdulilah, at least I have friends around me that I can really have deep talks with, even if it comes down to them telling me their thoughts, even if they disagree with mine, it’s something new.

People talk about religion like it’s some fantasy relationship with God that isn’t fallible if announced. That’s the thing, I’ve always been a person to talk and ask questions, but I’m nowhere near qualified to say my connection with God is better than someone else’s. I hope it was great, I hope I’m on the right track, but that’s a personal declaration, not something to be turned into a status or pity marriage advertisement. It’s something I often talk about with my mom. She tells me that yes, religion matters, but she asks me about personality, and things  I would forget to ask or think of. Thank God for moms. They’re always there to be brutally honest, but sensitive enough to see you through your soft-mushy sides. I guess alot of us are hard candies with soft centers….

We see people, our friends, and family doing things that are not in compliance with Islam. I’m not saying I am anywhere perfect. I am severely flawed. And I’m always on an Iman rollercoaster with the things that are happening in my life that I can’t bear to share with anyone yet. It’s frustrating because you feel like no one understands what you go through, no one sees the fact that you’re struggling with yourself, but I have met a few people on the same boat with me. I see the honesty and rawness in them that I love more than anyone who calls themselves religious. Because it comes down to God being the ultimate judge. I cannot stand when people leave each other for the sake of getting an infallible ball of Iman that cannot be changed. How can anyone guarantee that the same person they are today won’t change tomorrow? Why don’t we want to bring others up with us?

We meet people that are constantly influencing and impacting us whether we know it or not. It ends up showing and manifesting itself in ways we cannot imagine or hope for ourselves. This can go well, or extremely bad. Depends. Crowds matter, the people we choose to stay with matter. The people we choose to help, matter. It goes both ways. I don’t appreciate someone being religious, but not sharing any of that with others. Sometimes being on the Sunnah is done by basic acts of kindness, even if it’s maintaining a relationship with a family member or friend for the sake of Allah (swt). I’ve been there and it’s so hard. But it can be done. I’ll tell you, I’ve had people in my life that were blatantly horrible to my family and friends, but I had to maintain ties because of the circumstance. I wasn’t perfect in my approach of this either, but man, if Allah (swt) wasn’t in the middle,  I probably wouldn’t have kept any patience. That’s why we do things for Allah (swt) not people. Because people will break your heart, degrade you and misuse your trust and loyalty. He won’t do that. SubhanAllah, He lightened that situation on me, and helped me endure. You can be honest with Allah (swt), tell Him you’re annoyed, tell him you’re losing patience and hope, don’t be shy. (coming from a girl who hates confronting people and would rather let it go). And I promise, He will help. If not now, later.

That’s a part of Tawakul that really gets me. You have to be able to say “hey, whatever, this will pass, this is temporary, He knows best.” IT IS NOT EASY. But try telling yourself exactly what I do, ^^ and you will see a difference. And just because I can say that sometimes. it’s only sometimes lol…

Part of getting guidance from Allah (swt) worries me. I wonder if i’m even doing well. I see my flaws like monsters that stalk me, and I’m so self conscience about it. I thought I was strong enough to get over some things, get better, but then I find myself at a slump. Sigh. Here are some things I do that could help you if you’re ever in a slump:

1) Vent. Talk to someone.
2) Have something you like to eat/drink. Seriously. Take a breather. Have a cup of tea.
3) Prioritize. Do not be afraid of what others think, your work and efforts are/should be for Allah (swt)
4) Pray extra, do the Sunnah and Nawafil prayers. Focusing while in slump is just as hard as having too much on your mind
5) Know that the day will end, and so will its worries. It will pass. everything’s temporary.
6) Allah (swt) provides, just do your “homework” as my Baba says, and leave the rest to Him.
7) Make dua for others. Say thank you more often, lowers your ego and makes you realize that you do need help, and it’s okay.

Learning to handle what life throws at us is a never ending experience. See the hardships and trials as ways to get better, tell yourself “this is a test, I want to pass it.” And God will help you pass it. When you pass, don’t forget to do some extra credit, and keep holding on.

Forgive me if I said anything wrong. My eloquence has broken over the years because of said hardships. All good is from God, and anything else is of my own fault.


Lone Memory: An Experiment

images (1)

I miss you–bumpy road

I miss you–quiet street, and humble crowd

I miss your skyline, grey with white angel residue

I miss you mansion home

Where your pictures lay in a drawer,

Swipe that finger over your thin dust

Lost forever.

I miss you empty shower–I miss you stone cold night

How I couldn’t escape!

I miss those lonely corners that saw everything

I miss that tree that kept my shade, but made me promise to shade others

in my wake.

I miss you steep stairs to coffee shops

how no one touched your rail except I

(part one of an endless stream of consciousness…)