So this has been on the back burner for a really long time because I didn’t know what else to make of it, and I’m still trying to figure it out for myself every day.
When we talk about giving things for the sake of Allah(swt) we usually refer to money or our time. We don’t think about giving our energy, patience, love, happiness, sincerity etc. You can give these things. You probably do all the time, and find yourself exhausted. It’s okay to be exhausted, it’s natural. And it’s better to be tired doing good things for others than the reverse. I guess I’m kinda stuck on keeping a balance where I’m still being myself, protecting myself, but at the same time not draining myself to the point where I become indifferent or don’t feel anymore. Lots of times we give and don’t receive. It’s fine in the beginning, you have the best intentions, but no lie after awhile it’s just one way. You’ll find that you’re easily 100 percent with some people and other percentages with others. It varies and for good reason. Allah (swt) knows what we give and what we keep. He knows how much of ourselves we pour in or hide away. It eats at you and sometimes you feel like others are also feeling that way too. Chances are they probably do or don’t. It’s something to contend with and battle on your own. The best people are those who smile through it all and give constantly without receiving or mentioning their favors. We need to be like that. We need to do what we want others to do for us. We need to give, because someday someone will return the favor for you-care for you extra, wanna spend more time than even you can stand to be around you sometimes. Wait for that, I promise it’ll come. Give the best of you because there’s plenty of people out there that want someone like you to be their friend or companion. You’re worth something to someone, even if you barely see them or know them. You can do one good deed and have that be your saving grace, or saving someone’s day.
Now when we can literally do things that displease Allah (swt) He knows that. There’s nothing to stop us if you think about it. But that’s where the struggle comes in. You have the choice to take and take and enjoy. You have the ability to absorb it all while you can, and not give back. But the beautiful thing is that even when you have those freedoms, you give them up. You give up what grants you automatic happiness. You give up what makes you look good, look better, and at peace even for a moment. You give it up because you know there’s better to really save. You give up and you feel like a part of you is gone or cut off. But we all know that when parts of the body get really inflected, back in the day they used to just get rid of the part and you were okay. But this is even more healing; you have to cleanse yourself not of the act, the act isn’t the problem, it’s the need as Yasmin Mogahed once said. (Butcher paraphrase sorry)
This may take a life time to do or months. But in time you’ll see that those parts you give up to Allah (swt) will be returned to you free and clean of impurities and pain. It’s just a matter of time.
The Nabi (pbuh) said this quote:
Allah (swt) made you to be there for someone. He trusts us, He wants us to embody the Nabi Muhammad’s (pbuh) characteristics. And we all know that our characteristics and his are from Allah (swt), the Most Merciful, Kind and Compassionate. He put this in us too, even if it’s a little.
So give and give up. But do it for His sake. Because you’ll find that people are never satisfied, but He is free of this need. May we continue to need Him, and have the ability to ask and beg Him only.
If I said anything or misquoted something, it’s of my own fault and recklessness. All in good hopes that this’ll ring to you as it continues to me. I’m fasting, but writers eat their words all the time. It’s personal like that.