Your Promise

A poem compiled in a span of 65 days, sleepless nights, and depths of sadness and happiness at 2 am. These are random pieces of notes I wrote and made them into one peom explaining the inner dialogue I have with Allah (swt) every time I need to go back to Him. Which is often. 

Bismillah Al Rahman Al Rahim

“Your Promise”

Wa3di Allahi 7aq
Verily his promise is true
She raced to her Lord every month after a time of missing Him; 

of being absent of His presence . because she faded from Him, 

 Of knowing He missed her and loved her too. 
All the while Trying to gain His favor while failing. 

trying to gain some one else’s smile and laughter for her and no one else 

Hasten to your Lord on soft knees, 
ask Him anyway, don’t be shy, don’t be shy
Just another night of cold pressed thoughts at the bottom of the ice berg
Resurfacing now matter how hard you try to forget. And you do forget. 

You smile a smile that you don’t know why it’s there and can’t resist it’s crevices on your face.
Sometimes happiness is small, it’s a small thing like a the torn mint leaves that cascading into your tea after you’ve already filtered it, 

after you said things couldn’t get better but Allah shows you better every day 
He shows you the stars that exist millions of miles away 

as your self doubt should be 
He shows you the trees their roots are unbroken and unshaken 
Why can’t I be as strong as Maryam rd. She shook the date palm and let nothing shake her 
He shows you mountains that remind us of elderly wisdom , the grandparents of nature 
Hasten to your Lord on soft knees, do not be shy 
You think He is far but it’s only you that’s far, drifting together like ships in the night
Ask Him with the honest voice of your trembling heart
This is the way the heart works,

Allah swt will test His toughest Warriors with trials upon trials because 

He knows you will pass but you don’t 
It’s like I committed my heart to hopin’ for you, and ya Allah I feel like I missed out on your promise

Wa3da Allahi 7aq, You promised
She ran to her lord, this time quicker and with a lighter bounce in her step. 
This promise isn’t right now, it’s later. 

It’s bigger than a pinky..my pinky. This promise only works if you swear that He is one, what a humbling condition for an ungrateful race. 
Your promise ya Allah, 

My heart beats slowly like a child walking sneakly down the hall 

Your promise, keeps me on bended knee 
You made room in my heart when I saved a corner for you

You told me it’s okay to love for His sake and save some room for those people anyway 
Your promise, is my carpet bound motivation , the only reason I bow with no hesitation 
My strength is in I won’t surrender to myself or to the faint whisperer

My strength is knowing He is always with me. 
Your promise ya Allah, is what keeps me on bended knee. 

-Sarah
I recited this last night at a poetry slam. I’ve never felt so happy and relieved. I would have cried if I was standing, but I sat down and Alhamdulilah Allah has ways of calming our untamed hearts. 

No Lease Here: Reflection on the heart

  

Always in My Heart-By Carbine of Society6

Salam everyone, 
I finally finished Yasmin Mogahed’s book, Reclaim Your Heart. This is a portion of my reflections that resulted from this read. This has been in the drafts for 51 days. Writing tells you when you’re ready to post-muscle memory when you’re not done yet, and heart when you can’t think of anything else.
           I don’t know if this is weird or not, but I noticed that every space in my heart has been occupied by people I truly love/ed for the sake of Allah, and have either passed on, left, had to let go of, or just don’t have as big a space anymore. I think it’s because I let myself, without noticing, have those people be my immediate source of happiness and comfort, and not knowing that they were just as temporary as the happiness and comfort they offered. Crazy how Allah (swt) will knock out every person in your life that left you preoccupied only to have more space, if not a majority of it, be for Him. It happens pretty easily, after years and constant work of maintaining those relationships, that they can disappear. Evidence for that? Look at who has made you shed the most tears, and ask yourself if they were worth it. Then compare the tears you have for Him, and you’ll find those were the ones that shook your heart instead of making it sink. Nothing’s wrong with being attached to people, it’s human nature, but we can’t let those attachments be our life source. It’s an endless battle with the self I’m sure, every day. And to say that no one is worth your tears is false. A few people I can say are worth it if they were only in arm’s reach. Admitting the truth to my heart has been one of the most liberating things I’ve ever done. 

         I had a friend once tell me that it was okay to leave space for people in your heart. I could do this? I don’t have to lose it all? I don’t have to be a heartless rock? Lol.

         I guess everyone has different ways they battle with their heart. I know that in months time, days, my heart has and will change because I asked Him to take it and keep me on His path. It’s hard to admit to yourself that even good things can lead you astray. You might not even convince yourself of it in a lifetime. 

         Your heart needs sanding. Get rid of the rough edges. Your heart needs to be lit up by new candle light, by faith. Your heart needs to get rid of hatred and darkness. 

Your heart needs to be for Him. 
I told myself this. I’m telling you this. I am beyond done with trying to tame my heart. It’s free. It flutters when it wants to. It shakes all the time. In my deepest moments of anger it seems to disappear. I don’t feel it beating or maybe that’s a blood pressure thing. But when I’m in my deepest moments of solitude, pain, and even joy, it beats lightly, like a child trying to be sneaky coming down the hall. 

And I guess my biggest fear is that it stops shaking all together. It stops beating for those who I think of constantly. That it stops fluttering. Sometimes this is inevitable. Sometimes this is necessary. I only pray to God that my break is a clean one, and that I skip one beat and tread on. 

Take care of your heart. Think of it. Think of what will make it stronger. You can face anything. You can keep battling and breaking while maintaining a put together shell. Those are the people I wish I’m always around- because they’re honest. I want to be honest to myself before anyone else. If that’s someone’s definition of weakness, I say that’s my permanently validity-of which I will never trade for the world. 

Sincerely stumbling, 

-Sarah